A new oath holds pretty well; but... when it is become old, and frayed out, and damaged by a dozen annual retryings of its remains, it ceases to be serviceable; any little strain will snap it.
We are all alike, on the inside.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.
If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
Words are only painted fire; a book is the fire itself.
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.