Dave Barry Quotes

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Quotes By author - Starting with D - Dave Barry

There are 93 quotes for the author Dave Barry

Quotations 1 to 20 of 93 Results Page: 1 2 3 4 5

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
Subject: Maturity

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
Subject: Humor

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
Subject: Maturity

Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.
Subject: Business

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
Subject: Sports & Competition

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.
Subject: Miscellaneous
Source: The Taming of the Screw

I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.
Subject: Miscellaneous

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

My son does not appreciate classical musicians such as the Stones; he is more into bands with names like "Heave" and "Squatting Turnips."

The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.

A full-grown manatee, which can weigh more than 1,000 pounds, looks like the result of a genetic experiment involving a walrus and the Goodyear Blimp.

'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.

For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.

What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers.

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.

Quotations 1 to 20 of 93
Results Page: 1 2 3 4 5

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