Garrison Keillor Quotes

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Quotes By author - Starting with G - Garrison Keillor

There are 42 quotes for the author Garrison Keillor

Quotations 1 to 20 of 42 Results Page: 1 2 3

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
Subject: Reliability

Librarians, Dusty, possess a vast store of politeness. These are people who get asked regularly the dumbest questions on God's green earth. These people tolerate every kind of crank and eccentric and mouth-breather there is.

Powdermilk biscuits: Heavens, they're tasty and expeditious! They're made from whole wheat, to give shy persons the strength to get up and do what needs to be done

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

Selective ignorance, a cornerstone of child rearing. You don't put kids under surveillance: it might frighten you. Parents should sit tall in the saddle and look upon their troops with a noble and benevolent and extremely nearsighted gaze.

People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, 'Where are you from?' doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know?

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

One day Donald Trump will discover that he is owned by Lutheran Brotherhood and must re negotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who don't understand why anyone would pay more than $120.00 for a suit.

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles.

May his soul be forever tormented by fire - And his bones be dug up by dogs - And dragged through the streets of Minneapolis

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

Mark Twain told jokes, but they somehow stayed funny for a hundred years; they're still funny today. When Mark Twain said, 'He was a good man in the worst sense of the word,' we know exactly what he's talking about. When he said 'Wagner's music is not as bad as it sounds,' it still is funny. Mark Twain was really a miracle.

Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premisis. If I open a cupboard and see, say, 30 cans of tomato sauce and a five-pound bag of rice, I get a little thrill of well-being-much more so than if I take a look at the quarterly dividend report from my mutual fund.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.

A compassionate conservative is someone who electrocutes juveniles but lets them have a last 'make a wish'

Secret of life is to go through something harrowing that doesn't kill you...and to love one woman for the rest of your life.

Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up

It (The New York Times) reads like it was edited by two elderly sociologists, one of whom has been dead for many years

Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards and we will go to great lengths to prove it. Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at something a rat does, all of the other psychologists in the room will laugh equally. Nobody wants to be left holding the joke.

Quotations 1 to 20 of 42
Results Page: 1 2 3

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