George Carlin Quotes

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Quotes By author - Starting with G - George Carlin

There are 40 quotes for the author George Carlin

Quotations 1 to 20 of 40 Results Page: 1 2

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
Subject: Eulogy

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think

Think off-center.

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that ...

Always do whatever's next

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose

I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity

I've never had a 10, but one night I had five twos

Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans

If it requires a uniform it's a worthless endeavor

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor

You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic

Quotations 1 to 20 of 40
Results Page: 1 2

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