Henny Youngman Quotes

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Quotes By author - Starting with H - Henny Youngman

There are 46 quotes for the author Henny Youngman

Quotations 1 to 20 of 46 Results Page: 1 2 3

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Subject: Humor

How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A man goes to a psychiatrist "Nobody listen to me!" The doctor says "Next!"

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

Doctor says to a man "You're pregnant!" The man says "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says "The usual way, a little wine, a little dinner...."

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

Quotations 1 to 20 of 46
Results Page: 1 2 3

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