Rita Rudner Quotes

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Quotes By author - Starting with R - Rita Rudner

There are 45 quotes for the author Rita Rudner

Quotations 1 to 20 of 45 Results Page: 1 2 3

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
Subject: Parents

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Subject: Marriage

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
Subject: Humor

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Subject: Pets

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
Subject: Miscellaneous

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

The entertainment complements what we do here. There is no better shopping than here and there are no better restaurants. There are a million ways to enjoy yourselves in Las Vegas.

I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.

My mother buried three husbands Ð and two of them were only napping.

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior

Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!"

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

Quotations 1 to 20 of 45
Results Page: 1 2 3

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