Rita Rudner Quotes

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Quotes By author - Starting with R - Rita Rudner

There are 45 quotes for the author Rita Rudner

Quotations 21 to 40 of 45 Results Page: 1 2 3

Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: A woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

Men hate to lose. I beat my husband once at tennis. I asked him, "Will we ever make love again?" He said, "Yes.... but not with each other."

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.

I don't plan to grow old gracefully; I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Whenever I date a guy, I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

Quotations 21 to 40 of 45
Results Page: 1 2 3

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