I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up.
Subject:
Genius
Quotations
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Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Subject:
Humor
|
Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.
Subject:
Politics
America
|
There is only one thing that can kill the Movies, and that is education.
Subject:
Education
Mock
Work: Autobiography (1949) chapter 6
|
I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.
Subject:
Politics
Politicians
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Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is.
Subject:
Heroes
Work: Newspaper article, Feb. 15, 1925
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You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
Subject:
Ignorance
Work: New York Times Aug. 31 1924
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The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.
Subject:
Taxes
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Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
Subject:
Gossip
Work:
|
Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.
Subject:
War
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The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
Subject:
Taxes
Work: Illiterate Digest (1924), "Helping the Girls with their Income Taxes
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This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
Subject:
Congress
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The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.
Subject:
Gossip
Work:
|
We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can.
Subject:
Mock
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Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.
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There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators.
Subject:
Politics
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There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
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Politics is applesauce.
Subject:
Politics
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On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.
Subject:
Democracy
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Well, all I know is what I read in the papers.
Subject:
Miscellaneous
Work: New York Times, Sept 30 1923
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