- "Stephen Colbert: Open wide baby bird, 'cause momma's got a big fat night crawler of Truth. Here comes The Colbert Report!" The Colbert Report
- "Stephen: On this show, your voice will be heard - in the form of my voice." The Colbert Report
- "Stephen: Put on the Sade and spritz on some musk! I'm going to truth you all night long! This is The Colbert Report!" The Colbert Report
- "Stephen: Good news, America! Today you are completely safe and have nothing to fear. It's time for the SafetyUp! No, wait, today's opposite day. ThreatDown!" The Colbert Report
- "Stephen: I've got 99 problems, but the truth ain't one. This is The Colbert Report!" The Colbert Report

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