Monica: Hey Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: Probably kill myself.
Monica: Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if little Joey's dead, then I've got no reason to live.
Ross: Joey, omnipotent.
Joey: You are? I'm so sorry.
Chandler: So... what is it about me?
Monica: I don't know....You...you have a quality.
Everyone: Yeah. Absolutely. A quality.
Chandler: Oh, oh, a quality! Good, because I was worried you guys were gonna be vague about this.
Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.
Chandler and Joey: That's nice.
Ross: No, no. With him. I'm on this field, and they... they hike me the baby. And I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defense is coming right at me.
Joey: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.
Ross: Right, but it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us.
Rachel: Monica, would you calm down? The credit card people said that you only have to pay for the stuff that you bought.
Monica: Still... it's just such reckless spending.
Ross: I think when someone steals your credit card, they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind.
Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.
Monica: That was me.
Eddie: So who broke up with who?
Chandler: I broke up with her. She actually thought Sean Penn was the capital of Cambodia!
Eddie: Yeah! 'Cause everybody knows that the capital of Cambodia...
Chandler: is...not Sean Penn!
Chandler: Hey, some girl just walked up to me and said, "I want you, Dennis," and stuck her tongue down my throat. I love this party.
Joey: Quick volleyball question.
Joey: Yeah, we set up a court in your room. Uh, you didn't really like that grey lamp, did you?
Chandler: Joey, a woman just stuck her tongue down my throat. I'm not even listening to you.
Rachel: No way! The most romantic song ever was The Way We Were.
Phoebe: Uh, see, I... I think the one that Elton John wrote for, um, that guy on "Who's the Boss?"
â€¨Rachel: What song was that, Pheebs?â€¨
Phoebe: Um, Hold Me Close, Young Tony Danza.
Joey: Well, Eva, we've doon some excellent work here, and I would have to say, your problem is qviiite clear.
[singing]All you want is a dinkle,
What you envy's a schwang,
A thing through which you can tinkle,
Or play with, or simply let hang!
Phoebe :I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitchin'
How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen?
La lalala laaa la lala La lalala la la...
My mother's ashes, even her eyelashes, are resting in a little yellow jar.
And sometimes, when it's breezy, I feel a little sneezy...
Joey: All right, all right. You're a monkey. You're loose in the city. Where do you go?
Chandler: Okay, it's his first time out, so he's probably gonna wanna do some of the touristy things. I'll go to Cats, you go to The Russian Tea Room.
Joey: I mean, I just go down there every other day andâ€¦ make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey â€” but at the end of two weeks, I get 700 dollars!
Phoebe: Wow! Ooh, you're going to be making money hand-over-fist!
Ross: Why is this woman leaving a message for you on my machine?
Chandler: Oh. See, I had to tell her that your number was my number, because I couldn't tell her that my number was my number, because she thinks that my number is Bob's number!
Ross: Hey, tell me again what I do when Mr. Roper calls?
Phoebe: Is this how it's going to work? Ross equals boss? What is this? 1922?
Rachel: What's with 1922?
Phoebe: Just... a really long time ago, when men used to tell women what do to a lot. And then there was suffrage, which is a good thing, but it sounds horrible.